I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
