Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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