R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
