i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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