forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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