so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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