redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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