Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
