11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
