My friends, they love my intelligence
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
