am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
