I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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