Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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