if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
