Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
