Even the bartender felt bad for me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
