I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
