i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize