Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
