My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
