from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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