dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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