1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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