ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
