My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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