Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize