Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
