do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
