Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
