i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize