i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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