I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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