I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
