Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
