He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize