Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize