A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
