Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
