If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
