if i can run in heels then i can drive
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
