If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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