You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
