apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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