why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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