so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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