we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
