Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
