I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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