her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
