I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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