All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
