you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Randomize
