she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
