I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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