We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Life is so much better after having sex.
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imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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