i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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