Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
