Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
smell my finger.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
