You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
